What is swinging / the swinglifestyle?

The idea of swinging as 'wife-swapping' is actually a little limited. Yes, some couples do swap wives for same room or separate room sex, but swinging is so much more!  Some couples engage in a threesome (with either a single male or female partner) or some engage in group sex as a foursome (two couples) or with a larger group. Single girls and men are often welcome to join in group sessions. Some may dip in and out of swinging, where some consider it a lifestyle choice.  The terms 'swinglifestyle' and 'lifestyle club' are sometimes used to refer to the swinger scene, particularly in the USA.

I have never been to a swingers party before - what actually happens?

Generally the first part of the party will be for socialising, getting to know the other guests.  Play may begin with light foreplay between a few guests, or perhaps with a whole group retiring to the play rooms together.  Sometimes there may be 'girls only' play for a while.  Every sex party is a little different and it depends on the guests present.  Throughout the night there will usually be a whole range of experiences on offer.  You may find yourself in a threesome, swapping partners or in the middle of group sex.  Some couples decide just to watch or to swap with one couple in a 'closed' door room.  Others dive straight into the middle of the action!

There is no expectation for guests to be present for the entire play session, you can come and go as you please, moving between different groups / rooms as you wish.  Guests move freely between play and social areas through the night.

If there is no strict dress code for the party organisers may request that guests 'dress down' at a set time.  This is also a tactic for encouraging play to start early in order to maximise play time.  Most swingers parties have an area that is primarily for socialising and separate play areas.  There may be 'open' or 'closed' door rooms to allow a little more privacy for those who want it.


Are the sex parties listed on your site real?

Yes, swingers and sex parties are real!  It may seem like the stuff of fantasies and urban legend but there is a community of real swingers and sex positive individuals out there and it's bigger than you might think!  Swingers are normal everyday people, the difference is that they are able to separate sex from love and so engage in sex outside of their romantic relationships.

As for the swinger parties, we list a large number of events that are held by well established clubs and organisers.  Please bear in mind that we don't usually vet organisers that list events on our site so if you have an interest in a smaller party it's a good idea to check out their reviews and ratings.  Some will have profiles on other sites that will give you more insight.  After you've attended an event don't forget to rate/review the organiser on sexyplaymeets.com so that other users can benefit from your experience.

We're interested in a threesome, is this something we could find at a sex club?

It is entirely possible that you could find a threesome either at a swinger club or private party. In fact probably easier than elsewhere. It can be relatively difficult to find a single girl to join you for a threesome via swingers sites. Single girls are so rare that in swinging circles they are often referred to as unicorns! So at a club you might find it easier to meet them or you might even meet a couple who play separately at clubs. If it's a single guy you're looking for, there are plenty on swingers sites but unfortunately they are notoriously unreliable. If you attend a club that admits single guys then you're less likely to be disappointed on date night. Plus many clubs have some kind of membership or ID verification system for single guys.

What's the difference between a swinger club and a private swinger party?

In general a swinger club is a venue either like a night club or private residence that has been converted to a club. There will be separate areas for socialising and playing. Some have a dungeon or equipment for BDSM play. Most require guests to register as members which usually involves ID verification. Private parties may be held in clubs, in which case they may be fairly large, or they may be held in private residences or hotels, when they will be smaller. There is no ID verification although the better run parties will try to invite guests who are well verified on swingers sites. Private parties may have a more intimate and informal feel, but clubs will obviously have a wider selection of guests.

Is there sex on offer at all swinger events?

No.  Some events are meet & greets and are simply to meet people.  They may even take place in normal pubs/clubs as opposed to a swinger club. Similarly with fetish and BDSM events, these may not be sex parties, and the word 'play' may refer to BDSM practices rather than sex.  There is some crossover though, so it's best to check for individual events.  It is common for swinger parties to follow after social events, although these may be invite only hotel meets or private parties.

I'm curious about the swinger lifestyle, how do I decide if it's for me?

The easiest way to get into swinging is to attend a sex club.  There is never an obligation to play, so if you're curious you can go to a swinger club as a voyeur and then decide if you want to get involved.  For many swingers it's not just about sex, but socialising with like minded people.  Talking to swingers about their experiences will help you decide if it's for you.  Once you meet some real live swingers it's very easy to start making contacts and getting into the scene as people are generally helpful in offering advice to beginners.

I want to get into swinging but my partner is not sure, what should we do?

The first step is to discuss it openly.  If you can't even have an open discussion about it then chances are that the swinger lifestyle will not work out for you.  If one of you feels that you cannot separate the sexual act from your romantic relationship then swinging may not be for you.  But if both of you think that you can separate sex from love then it's likely swinging may be an option.  The key is to take things slowly with plenty of discussion along the way.  If you were to attend a swinger club as voyeurs only this may help to clarify your feelings on the matter without threatening anyone's boundaries.

We're not sure if we're ready for swingers parties yet, maybe we should try a couple meet first?

It's understandable that you might be nervous about your first swinging experience and you might think that a sex party is more daunting but actually there's less pressure than meeting with a couple. At a couple meet you may find that you and your partner are not equally attracted to the other couple. Then you have to figure out how you're going to deal with it. At a swingers party there's less pressure as you're under no obligation to play. But you do get the opportunity to talk to lots of people, hear about their experiences and watch the action, which will give you a good idea of whether you'd like to take part. There's also more chance that you'll find someone to suits the tastes of both partners. In our experience most newbies at their first party end up joining in and having fun!

We're interested in group sex but we're worried it could damage our relationship.

If both of you have a genuine interest, discuss things properly in advance and take it slowly you might be pleasantly surprised how things turn out.  Many couples say it strengthens their relationship. They may have struggled with monogamy in the past and relationships failed as a result. The swinger lifestyle, however, allows them to be honest about their feelings, fulfilling their needs and at the same time bringing them closer together, encouraging communication and allowing a greater level of trust to develop.


We've decided to go to our first orgy, how should we prepare?

Apart from the obvious like showering and shaving, you need to take time to talk to your partner.  Make sure that you have discussed your boundaries and expectations of each other's behaviour.  These are not the kind of things you want to be discussing in the middle of a sex party!

Here are some suggestions for things you might wish to discuss in advance:

  • Find the right swinger party - are you happy to play with singles, or would you prefer to stick to couples only?
  • Are there any specific fantasies that you'd like to help each other fulfill and how will you do this?
  • Do you want your partner to stay next to you throughout the orgy?  Or are you happy for them to be a free agent?
  • Are there certain sex acts that you and you partner would prefer to keep for yourselves?
  • Would you like to touch base with your partner once you've met the guests at the party?  Perhaps you'd like to take a toilet break together to talk and ensure that you're both ready to play.  Perhaps you'd like to discuss and agree who you're interested in playing with.
  • How will you deal with the situation if your partner doesn't want you to play with a particular guest?
  • How will you deal with the situation if one partner gets caught up in the moment and forgets the agreement?
  • How will you feel about being in a group of naked people, all of whom have different assets?  What if you feel your partner prefers the other guests assets?
  • What if you are approached by guests to meet with them again?  How will you handle the situation?
  • What are your expectations after the party?  Do you want to discuss it with your partner in detail?
  • What if one partner enjoys the experience more than the other?  Or if one partner wants to get more into the swing lifestyle but the other doesn't?

What will be expected of me at a sex party?

There is no obligation to have sex!  If you wish to simply go and socialise or watch, that's OK.
The only expectation at a swingers party is to have respect for the other guests.  Guests are reminded to always get consent before joining in with play.  Just because someone is present at an orgy doesn't mean they want to have sex with everyone present.  Even at a greedy girls event, where the number of men exceeds the number of women, it doesn't mean that the girls want to play with every guy.
Likewise if you're propositioned, it's perfectly OK to say 'no'.  Most organisers are keen to look after their guests and insist that a 'no' is respected.  Any guests who break this rule are generally asked to leave immediately.  This kind of behaviour will get you banned from future sex parties and will earn you a poor reputation very quickly.
Please be aware that most swingers insist on using condoms.  Condoms must be changed every time you change sexual partner.
If you're bringing sex toys to a party you must ensure that they are properly cleaned.  It's not unusual that guests will insist on condoms being placed on the toys before use.
Any guests wishing to engage in anal play should ideally use condoms (even if you're with your own partner and you don't use condoms at home) and wash thoroughly immediately after finishing anal play, before returning to the play rooms.
If you attend a swinger club, they may prohibit the use of mobile phones and will request that you leave your phone in the cloakroom/locker room.  At private swingers parties mobile phones may not be banned but taking photos or videos without explicit prior permission is disrespectful and may get you thrown out.
The swinger community may seem more open minded than society at large but that doesn't mean that they condone drug use.  Even heavy drinking may be frowned upon as it can be disruptive to others.

What should I bear in mind as a single man when attending a swinger party?

Unfortunately many couples are wary of single guys, often because they've had bad experiences with them in the past.  Most couples complain of single men being too forward or making unwanted advances.  Generally a lot of these complaints can be avoided fairly easily. At sex parties make use of the time to socialise before play begins. This is your opportunity to show that you are polite and respectful and it will greatly improve your chances of being invited to play.  When play starts, ensure that you are welcome with a simple "may I join you?".  Make sure that you know what the ladies are interested in.  Not every woman will be interested in anal or oral for example.  Some ladies may enjoy oral but not want to swallow. Every woman is different.  If you are not invited to play on a particular night, it is likely that you can watch, however don't crowd the action, keep your distance, be respectful and discrete.

What are greedy girls events?

At a greedy girls event there are more men than women.

I have never been to this venue before, I'm concerned about safety.

It doesn't matter if you're a woman alone, single man or couple, please make sure your safety is your number one priority.  If you are attending a venue for the first time please make sure someone knows your whereabouts.  Particularly if you are attending a private party or an outdoor event. Check in regularly with someone so that they know you are OK.

What is bukkake?

At a bukkake party several male guests will ejaculate over one or more guests.